台州英语新闻问题:用词不当、用语不明

来看台州市政府网英文版新闻部分http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/col/col1229022777/index.html

先表扬优点:以本地新闻为主,虽然学习文件等会议类的新闻太多。

一些注意到的问题如下:

硬核,不要翻译为hard-core 或者hardcore,大家可以自行去搜索这个词常出现在什么语境中。修饰政策措施的词包括sound, robust, effective, well-thought-out, rational, practical, pragmatic 等

Taizhou Launches 10 Hard-core Measures on Environmental Protection

http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733691.html

这个新闻的写法因为是纯粹翻译,所以就是一句话把十条措施都列举出来了,这怎么读?,其实,可以改善一些表述方式,比如,先提出前三条、然后还包括,此外对那些领域做了规定等。

“防火墙”翻译为Firewall也非常有问题,即便带了引号也不该用,难道不知道英文读者看到Firewall会想到什么吗?这里直接说financial fraud prevention program, anti-financial fraud measures, fraud risk mitigation等

First “Firewall” Built for Financial Security in Taizhou

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733690.html

Internet financial crimes like illegal fund-raising and loan fraud has been increasing these years. To fend off financial risks, ensure financial security and social stability, the People’s Procuratorate of Jiaojiang and Jiaojiang Finance Work Center collaborated on the initiative 11 Terms for the Prevention and Regulation of Financial Risks and Corresponding Procuratorial Supervision, building a “firewall” against financial risks.

Taizhou to Create Eco-friendly Business Environment

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733689.html

Water accumulates and fish breeds, woods thrive and birds inhabit. Being eco-friendly and more livable is a higher level for a business environment and an embodiment of competitiveness. On May 5, the press conference of “Reform Project I”, involving 10 hard-core measures on environmental protection for the optimization of business environment in Taizhou was convened by Taizhou Municipal Ecology and Environment Bureau, in order to create an eco-friendly business environment.

上述两篇新闻的编译有个共同特征,就是上来都是一段描述性的文字,然后再去进入主题。其实这种范范的介绍,根本不需要写出来。

下面这个就不知所云了:

Speed up Two “50%”Missions in 2nd Quarter with Solid Performance

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733688.html

The regular meeting for the vigorous promotion of innovating and deepening the reform and opening up and county (city, district) work exchange was convened on May 6, which was presided by Municipal Party Secretary Li Yueqi, in whose speech the initiative of high-quality development that should be grasped by all localities and departments was stressed on, the three ways of further innovating and deepening the reform and opening up was focused on, and the acceleration of two “50%”missions in quarter 2 was mentioned, so that Taizhou could be dedicated to the current work and reply with a satisfactory result in the first half of this year. The meeting was held by video, with sub-meetings for all counties (cities, districts) , as well as the Taizhou Bay New Area. Wu Xiaodong, deputy secretary of the Municipal Committee and Mayor of Taizhou deployed relevant work for the 2nd quarter, and city leaders, such as Wu Haiping and Ye Haiyan were also present.

这完全是机械的翻译。这里涉及到一些中国特色的词汇,如果不去解释就无法理解。比如什么是“two “50%”missions”。“双过半”,时间过半、任务过半?早在2014年,中国产经新闻报就有文章指出“双过半”隐忧(http://finance.sina.com.cn/roll/20140609/025719349338.shtml)

上述新闻对应中文(https://tz.zjol.com.cn/sjszzms/202305/t20230507_25712667.shtml)是:

5月6日,全市强力推进创新深化改革攻坚开放提升工作例会暨县(市、区)工作交流会召开。市委书记李跃旗出席会议并讲话,强调各地各部门要牢牢把握高质量发展主动权,聚焦创新深化改革攻坚开放提升三条路径,着眼提速二季度、确保“双过半”,在发展赛场上进一步干起来、跑起来,奋力交出“半年红”发展报表。会议以视频形式召开,各县(市、区)、台州湾新区设分会场。市委副书记、市长吴晓东部署二季度相关工作,吴海平、叶海燕等市领导出席会议。

综合评述:领导讲话涉及到缩略语需要介绍。其实,这个新闻根本并不需要翻译为英语。 台州市还有很多英语新闻,就是开了某个会议,把很多参会的人都罗列出来。这有什么传播意义呢?

再比如“Reclaiming Taizhou” National Reading Activity of 2023 Launched,http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/6/art_1229022777_57733678.html,不知道为什么这个读书节翻译为Reclaiming Taizhou,好像是台州被收回一样,打开新闻一看也是罗列了某某某参加启动仪式,但是这里的核心问题实际上应该是解释这个活动要做什么,特别是Reclaiming Taizhou究竟是什么意思。

机器翻译出错,导致阿富汗难民庇护申请被拒

这篇文章讲述机器翻译将“我”翻译为“我们”,导致了申请庇护的书面文件与初期面谈表述出现不一致,法官为此拒绝了庇护的申请。

https://restofworld.org/2023/ai-translation-errors-afghan-refugees-asylum/

机器翻译工具正在崛起,并且越来越多地被从事难民和移民工作的营利性政府承包商和援助组织所使用。

尤其是普什图语和达里语的机器翻译,错误百出,给本已复杂的移民程序带来了混乱,并导致至少一名阿富汗难民的庇护申请被拒绝。

难民倡导者强调了人类在翻译工作中的重要性,并告诫在包括庇护法庭在内的高风险情况下,不要依赖机器翻译。

改写:从中山英语新闻“最美家庭”谈对外传播

中山市政府网的英文版发了一条新闻,讲述给一些家庭颁奖。

链接和内容如下

http://www.zs.gov.cn/ywb/news/localnews/content/post_2276483.html

Zhongshan’s awards ‘Most Beautiful Families’

Zhongshan’s “Most Beautiful Families” for 2023 were announced at the launch ceremony of the “Harmony Brings Prosperity” Family Culture Promotion Month of Zhongshan on May 15.

Winners of the “Most Beautiful Families of China” for 2023, the 17th “Guangdong Literary Families”, as well as the “Zhongshan Top 10 Literary Families” and the “Zhongshan Top 10 Most Beautiful Families” for 2023 were awarded at the event.

This year, Zhongshan has 1 family selected as the “Most Beautiful Families of China” and 1 family as the 17th “Guangdong Literary Families”. They are the family of Huang Wenfa in East District and the family of Pan Tianyuan in Huangpu Town.

点评:这只是个颁奖典礼的新闻。但是从对外传播的角度,这个稿子应该进行全面的改写。这里,至少要介绍什么是全国的最美家庭?什么是广东省“书香家庭”?获奖的原因是什么?缺少这些信息,根本无法理解中山市这个活动的意义何在,也根本无法对外讲述一个故事。

搜索资料发现:

全国妇联组织的全国最美家庭,有1000户家庭获选,主要是“积极培育和践行社会主义核心价值观,在各行各业弘扬劳动精神、奋斗精神、奉献精神、创造精神、勤俭节约精神”。http://cpc.people.com.cn/n1/2023/0515/c164113-32686256.html

书香家庭是广东妇联组织的,旨在“动员广大家庭以书香家庭为榜样,注重家庭亲子阅读,树立终身学习理念,大力培育读书尚学、崇文乐善的好家风”https://news.dayoo.com/guangdong/202304/23/139996_54463343.htm

有了这两个背景之后,还要介绍为何中山有个家庭获得全国奖

原因是https://www.zsnews.cn/news/index/view/cateid/35/id/707332.html

黄文发是东区街道亨尾村人,作为家中长子的他,从小便担起照顾家庭的责任。1959年8月,黄文发的二弟出生不久后就被查出患有先天性软骨病,对二弟的特殊照顾自然也落在了黄文发肩上。1981年,黄文发与林少凤结婚,林少凤从不嫌弃他有一个残疾的弟弟,与丈夫共同承担起照顾二弟的重担。

多年来他们对二弟不离不弃,还教育自己的儿女孝顺二弟,他们的故事也成为邻里之间的美谈,他们也是中山今年唯一获评全国最美家庭的家庭。

在有了上述背景信息之后

这个新闻可以这样写:

Zhongshan honours families in launching citywide campaign

Zhongshan city honoured families that won national and provincial awards on May 15 while launching a citywide campaign to promote family culture under the theme of “Harmony Brings Prosperity”.

Huang Wenfa’s family was the only one from Zhongshan to win the national title of Most Beautiful Families, an honour organized by the All-China Women’s Federation to promote the spirit dedication, creativity, diligence and thrift. The 2023 edition has 1,000 families recognized nationwide. 

Huang and his wife, Lin Shaofeng, have always looked after his disabled brother since they got married in 1981. The couple has also taught their children to be kind and helpful too, winning praises from the locals.

The family of Pan Tianyuan  was the only winner from Zhongshan to receive the honour of Guangdong Literary Families, organized by the Guangdong Women’s Federation to make reading and lifelong learning a core part of family life. 

Pan and his wife have invested all their life savings into the construction of a cultural centre using the four rooms of their ancestral home. The venue has  a collection of nearly 10,000 books of various kinds .

注意:从结构上来说,还应该有一段介绍 “家庭文化宣传月”,可以这样过渡,the awarding ceremony also marked the start of the city’s campaign to promote family culture. 再介绍内容,参考相关报道:https://www.zsbtv.com.cn/a/bdxw/content_202176.shtml,各级妇联上下呼应、部门积极联动,将开展360多项群众喜闻乐见、形式丰富新颖的主题活动,倡导全社会共同关注参与家庭教育,让家庭文明之花在中山遍地开放,让文明之风吹进千家万户、润泽社会,为全国文明城市创建赋予温暖而坚定的家庭力量。这里就不再写出来了。

总结:

这类稿件需要进行一种思维的转变:从“为某人颁奖”转变为“某人因为ABC获得了某个具体的奖励,而这体现了城市建设的某种努力”

修改2.5篇汕头市政府网英文新闻

汕头政府网英文版新闻栏目是中英文对照的,比较少见。这也能看出来英文版本就是基于中文对照翻译的,难免车轱辘话。

这里修改其中两篇文章,来介绍如何写作编译

第一篇:原文https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2219845.html

中文原文:

汕头举办海上风电船舶前沿技术研讨会

  5月8日,由中国可再生能源学会风能专业委员会主办的海上风电船舶前沿技术研讨会在我市举办,海上风电领域专家以及国内外海上风电相关企业、科研机构、协会代表齐聚汕头开展研讨交流,集行业智慧和力量助力汕头国际风电创新港建设和海上风电产业高质量发展。

  市长曾风保在致辞时指出,汕头作为国家一类口岸城市、全国五大海上风电基地之一,具备海上风电开发建设的独特优势。希望与会专家学者和嘉宾深入沟通探讨、深化交流合作,为汕头海上风电产业发展把脉支招、献计献策;汕头诚挚欢迎各海洋工程企业、开发企业、研究机构选择汕头、投资汕头,与汕头携手共创海上风电产业高质量发展美好未来。

英文原文:

On May 8, the Symposium on Cutting-Edge Technology for Offshore Wind Power Vessels, which was sponsored by the Wind Energy Professional Committee of China Renewable Energy Society, was held in Shantou. Experts in the field of offshore wind power and representatives of domestic and foreign offshore wind power-related enterprises, scientific research institutions and associations gathered in Shantou for discussions and exchanges, pooling industry wisdom and strength to boost the construction of Shantou International Wind Power Innovation Hub and the high-quality development of the offshore wind power industry.

In his speech, Mayor Zeng Fengbao pointed out that as a national first-class port city and one of China’s top five offshore wind power bases, Shantou has unique advantages in offshore wind power development and construction. He hoped that the participating experts, scholars and guests would have in-depth communication and discussion, deepen exchanges and cooperation, come up with ideas and proposals for the development of the offshore wind power industry in Shantou. Shantou sincerely welcomes all offshore engineering enterprises, development enterprises and research institutes to choose Shantou, invest in Shantou, and join hands with Shantou to create a better future for the high-quality development of the offshore wind power industry.

修改后文章:

 Shantou recently hosted the Symposium on Cutting-Edge Technology for Offshore Wind Power Vessels, organized by the Wind Energy Professional Committee of China Renewable Energy Society. 

The symposium brought together experts, representatives from domestic and foreign enterprises, research institutions, and associations. The event aimed to harness collective industry knowledge and resources to transform Shantou into an international innovation hub and a prominent player in the offshore wind power industry.

During the symposium, Shantou Mayor Zeng Fengbao emphasized the city’s strengths, highlighting its status as a first-class national port city and one of China’s top five offshore wind power bases.

Mayor Zeng called for in-depth discussions, exchanges, and cooperation to support the city’s development in the industry. He warmly welcomed enterprises and research institutes to explore opportunities for growth and collaboration in Shantou.

 点评:原译文句式冗长、重点不清,段落之间缺乏联系。修改后译文层次分明、内容简洁直接。

第二篇https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2219852.html

中文原文

  5月9日上午,第四届“市长杯”工业设计大赛颁奖典礼暨汕头工业设计周开幕式在潮汕历史文化博览中心举行。

  本次活动设置“市长杯”大赛颁奖典礼、工业设计周开幕式、工业绿色设计峰会、大赛优秀作品展、工业设计产品展、成果转化对接会、“走进汕头”产业集群等七大特色环节,将持续至5月21日结束。大赛设立主赛事(产品设计组、概念设计组)及纺织服装、玩具创意、汕头礼物、“侨”主题设计、汕头工匠评选五大专项赛,共征集作品3400余件,评选出一批设计理念新、技术含量高、应用价值大的优秀作品,颁出主赛事与各专项赛金银铜奖、十大优秀工业设计师、十大新锐工业设计师、汕头工匠等主要奖项。

现在英文:

On the morning of May 9, the award ceremony of the 4th “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition and the opening ceremony of Shantou Industrial Design Week were held at Expo Center of Chaoshan History and Culture.

The Event features seven special sessions, including the Award Ceremony of the “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition, the Opening Ceremony of the Industrial Design Week, the Industrial Green Design Summit, the Exhibition of Outstanding Works of the Competition, the Industrial Design Product Exhibition, the Matchmaking Conference for Applying Research Results to Production, and the “Entering Shantou” Industrial Cluster, and will continue until May 21. The Competition consists of the main competition (product design group and concept design group) and five major special competitions, including textiles and clothing, toy creativity, Shantou gift, “overseas Chinese” theme design, and Shantou craftsmen selection. A total of 3,400 works were collected, and a batch of outstanding works with new design concepts, high technology content, and great application value were selected. The major awards include the gold, silver and bronze awards of the main competition and special competitions, top ten outstanding industrial designers, top ten emerging industrial designers, and Shantou craftsmen.

修改后英文:

目前的译文将重点放在了颁奖的开幕式上,但是对于读者来说,重要的实际上是究竟什么作品获奖了,获奖原因是什么,但是目前的中文内容缺乏这些信息。怎么办?只能继续强调开幕式。可以将内容整理提炼一下,增强可读性。

The fourth edition of the “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition held its award ceremony at the Shantou History and Culture Expo Center on May 9, which also marked the launch of Shantou Industrial Design Week.

The event encompassed seven sessions that will run until May 21, such as the Industrial Green Design Summit and a business matchmaking conference.

The competition consisted of five categories, spanning from textiles and clothing, toys, gifts, and a special category focused on the theme of overseas Chinese as Shantou is the ancestral hometown of many overseas Chinese.

The competition received more than 3,400 entries, including some featuring fresh ideas, advanced technology, and promising applications. 

The awards recognized  top ten outstanding industrial designers, top ten emerging industrial designers, and individuals honoured as Shantou craftsmen. 

第三篇https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2216773.html

只是修改主要部分。

中文原文:泰国中华总商会访问团莅汕

  4月28日至30日,由泰国中华总商会主席林楚钦率领的访问团一行莅汕,实地感受家乡建设发展的新面貌新变化新活力,共叙桑梓情谊,深化交流合作。

  在汕期间,访问团一行参观了小公园开埠区,零距离感受这里的红色文化、华侨文化、非遗文化、美食文化。访问团还前往澄海区溪南镇开展寻根活动,前往广益街道了解中泰同心文化交流园规划情况,围绕与澄海共建华侨文化小镇、中泰文化交流博物馆、华文教育机构、中泰风情商业街等合作事项进行商讨对接。

英文原文:

From April 28 to 30, a delegation led by Lim Chu Chin, Chairman of the Chinese Chamber of Commerce of Thailand, visited Shantou. Through field visits, they acclaimed the new look, new changes and new vitality of the development of their hometown, renewed their hometown attachment, and deepened exchanges and cooperation.

During their stay in Shantou, the delegation visited the Port-opening Area of Small Park, and from a zero-distance, experienced the red culture, overseas Chinese culture, intangible cultural heritage, and food culture. The delegation also went to Xinan Town in Chenghai District to conduct cultural root-seeking activities, visited Guangyi Sub-district to learn about the planning of the Sino-Thai Tongxin Cultural Exchange Park, and discussed and connected with Chenghai on cooperation matters such as the joint construction of the overseas Chinese cultural town, Sino-Thai cultural exchange museum, Chinese language education institution, and Sino-Thai featured commercial street.

修改意见:

首先,目前采用的直译的方式是很难阅读的。比如中文是“零距离感受这里的红色文化、华侨文化、非遗文化、美食文化。”翻译为“experienced the red culture, overseas Chinese culture, intangible cultural heritage, and food culture.”这里因该略微解释才对,而不能是四个culture

可以改为

They gained a direct understanding of historical sites with modern revolutionary legacies, the city’s reputation as a hometown of overseas Chinese communities, its intangible cultural heritage, and its signature cuisine.

其次,专有名词最好采纳其官方翻译,比如泰国中华总商会是翻译为Thai -Chinese Chamber of Commerce 

再次,可以将第一段修改如下:

A delegation led by Lim Chu Chin, Chairman of Thai -Chinese Chamber of Commerce, visited Shantou from April 28 to 30.

Participants were impressed by the city’s vibrant transformation and development momentum in the visit , which helped deepen their connection to Shantou and enhance collaboration and exchange.

(上面这个段落要比原文要好吧?Through field visits, they acclaimed the new look, new changes and new vitality of the development of their hometown, renewed their hometown attachment, and deepened exchanges and cooperation.)

温州政府网英文也主要是文化旅游和体育

这20条新闻发布于3月28日到5月12日。

温州是私营经济发达的地区,不过从这些新闻来看主要是文化旅游。

来源是http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/col/col1231275/index.html

此外,

At the end of 2022, Wenzhou had a permanent resident population of 8,318 million, while the registered population was 9.679 million.

http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/art/2023/4/23/art_1231273_57849261.html

这里是标点错误,应该是8.318 million

 这些稿子中最重要的应该属于http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/art/2023/3/28/art_1231275_57849234.html,也就是2023年全市重大建设项目计划出炉

里面有个问题就是瑞浦兰钧新能源制造基地项目,不适合音译为Ruipu Lanjun,应该是

REPT BATTERO 

以杭州政府英文网为例分析选题问题

新闻总数:58条

发布日期:2023年1月10日-5月9日

新闻来源:http://eng.hangzhou.gov.cn/col/col811217/index.html

结论:

内容方面,主要是茶、亚运会、博物馆和新鲜事(new)

具体来说,58条新闻中只有6条是经贸新闻,包括外贸一条和杭州机场的两条、高速路,其余的都是文化和旅游新闻。

评价:杭州自然是旅游胜地,所以很多文旅新闻并不奇怪,但是这不是杭州的文化旅游部门网站,而是杭州市的网站,应该多一些宏观的商业经济新闻、一些政策的解析、一些涉外相关的动态等。

以下是杭州政府英文网发布的58条新闻:

  1. Hangzhou Witnesses a Steady Growth in Global Trade  
  2. Walk Along the Grand Canal Toward the Ancient Town  
  3. Song-Style Wedding on the Waters  
  4. National Poetry Competition Award Ceremony Held at the Greatest Poet’s Memorial
  5. World Earth Day Celebrated across Hangzhou  
  6. Tea Drinking Day is Happening in Hangzhou  
  7. Enjoy all Zhejiang Delicacies in One Day  
  8. Hangzhou’s Airport Exported Compact a New Energy Vehicle for the First Time  
  9. Award Ceremony of the First “Enduring Memories of Hangzhou” Kicks off 
  10. Springtime Longjing Tea is Answering A Curtain Call 
  11. Go Find Thrills of Ancient Culture in Kuahuqiao Culture Site Museum  
  12. The Flavor of the Song Culture Reborn in Xinanjiang 
  13. Giant Manmade Crop Characters Thrill Park Visitors 
  14. Mouthwatering Food Presented in Creative Dish Competition of the West Lake 
  15. Fashion is in Full Flow in Hangzhou
  16. Try Your Hand at Inscription Rubbing at the Yue Temple on Saturday  
  17. Cherry Blossom Run: A Springtime Hangzhou Romance   
  18. Hangzhou Airport Launched its First Entirely Cargo Route in 2023  
  19. Two Innovation Centers to be Opened in Mengqi Town 
  20. Peach and Pear Blossoms Greet Visitors Coming in Swarms  
  21. Jingshan Tea to Be Harvested from March 18  
  22. Artinno Town: A National Base for “New Organizations and Groups for Art and Culture” 
  23. Archery League Closes at the Asian Games Venue  
  24. Multiple Watching Spaces Gear Up for the Asian Games 
  25. Jingshan Tea to Be Harvested in Late March  
  26. Spring Tea Picking Kicked off in Qiandao Lake  
  27. Plum Blossoms Are in the Prime at Xixi Wetlands 
  28. Breeze Awakens the Lakeside Park  
  29. West Lake District Endeavors to Build Brands in Cultural Tourism  
  30. “Asian Games 10 Cities Tour” Kicks off in Greater Bay Area  
  31. Plum Blossoms Play the Lead in Tour Attractions 
  32. First Restaurant in China to Dine with Penguins 
  33. 2023 Lin’an Half Marathon Is around the Corner 
  34. Zhejiang Exhibition Hall Makes a New Debut at Night 
  35. Golden Cruise Routes Set Sail along the “Three Rivers and Their Banks”  
  36. “Hangzhou Talent Code” Wins Award from Province Authority  
  37. Withered Lotus Flowers and Stalks to be Cut in Two Weeks 
  38. Hunting for the Most Beautiful Scenes along the Canal 
  39. A Day back to the Southern Song Dynasty  
  40. Back to the Old New Year in Sugars  
  41. Hubin: New Year Celebrated by Drums Dancers and Image Artworks  
  42. New Year’s Aura Comes Alive with Local Heritage Artists  
  43. Nomination of “Hangzhou Digital Craftsman” Debuted  
  44. Fashion Review Unveiled in National Silk Museum in Honor of the Past 30 Years  
  45. Xixi Wetland: A Rebound of Sightseeing Business with 42,000 Visitors 
  46. Spring Festival Shopping Festival Kicks off on January 6  
  47. Free Admission to 17 Scenic Spots in Hangzhou by March 31  
  48. Hangzhou Asian Para Games Releases Its Theme Song 
  49. Pilot Section of Lin’an-Jiande Expressway to be in Use 
  50. Clean and Shine – How Fenkou Is Made So Beautiful 
  51. Fuchun Sub-district Have Pros for a Booming Rural Economy  
  52. Hangzhou Airport Offers Phone Plate Scanning to Pay Fees 
  53. Asian Games 2022 Gifts or Badges on the Shelf Again 
  54. The Lake in Winter Is Alive with Water Birds 
  55. Hangzhou Regulates Her Foreign Language Public Signs 
  56. Go for a Night Session at the National Wetland Museum of China to Understand Endangered Animals  
  57. Shangcheng, A New Destination for Over a Hundred Privileged Brands  
  58. Chefs in Hangzhou, Suzhou and Shaoxing to Cook a “Mobile Feast”  

ChatGPT分析青岛政府英文网内容问题

2023年5月14日,用ChatGPT对青岛政府英文网的最近十篇新闻进行分析,

发现如下常见问题:

原文中有一些长而复杂的句子,使信息变得混乱。比如,”Qingdao has profound friendship and close cooperation with Finland. Qingdao and Salo of Finland established friendly cooperation relation, Qingdao No. 2 Middle School and Salo High School are sister schools, and the exchange and cooperation among enterprises of Qingdao and Finland are very close.”这些内容可以拆成多个句子,以提高可读性。

重复的词和短语: 文本中重复使用一些单词和短语,这可能使其听起来重复和单调。

缺乏清晰和准确: 文本中的一些句子含糊不清,缺乏清晰和准确,使人难以理解所要表达的意思。

文中包含的专业术语和缩略语没有得到解释,这可能使一些读者难以理解。

语法和选词方面存在一些错误,如用 “pass “代替 “permission”,用 “manifest “代替 “show”。

– 文中使用了一些不明确的短语,如 “所有相关方的不懈努力”。

总的来说,文本可以从一些编辑中受益,使其更加简洁和清晰,并确保为可能不熟悉的读者解释技术术语和缩略语。

文中有几处语言错误,包括缺失的条款、错误的选词和不完整的句子。文中还缺乏上下文和细节,使人难以理解会面的目的和结果。  

总结:上述问题出现的主要和唯一原因就是采用中文翻译的方式进行国际传播。中英受众不同,理应进行编辑改写。

一般的政府类英文网站需要考虑如下问题:

雄安政府英文网的内容改善建议

雄安新区建设担负着巨大的责任, 要体现“世界眼光、国际标准、中国特色、高点定位”,但是目前的英文网内容存在着非常明显其实也很容易解决的问题。在评析之前先明确一下几个问题,我用这个图来显示:

如果认为英文版是为了促进传播和当地发展,那么目前的版本存在以下问题:

在英文内容方面:

  • 信息滞后。一些政策、新闻、服务信息都是多年之前的。
  • 选题不当。比如新闻很多是宽泛的国内新闻,真正雄安在做什么、如何做的、进展如何这些关键信息,都找不到。

。。。

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从话语权的翻译说起

话语权怎么翻译?

看魏玲灵最近接受金玉米的访谈时候说,这个词字面意思是 the right to speak,讲话的权利,但是在中文语言环境中实际表示在国际舞台上的叙述力”narrative authority” on the world stage。后者实际上是一种权力。

今年4月,2023年中国网络媒体论坛“中国叙事•构建国际传播新范式”平行论坛在南京举行,旨在探索构建融通中外的中国叙事体系。http://www.news.cn/politics/2023-04/20/c_1129541938.htm,这个目标非常宏大。不知道现场是否讨论中国故事的对外传播到底遇到何种挑战。哪些是媒体可以解决的?哪些是无法解决的?

总之,话语权的具体翻译方式要考虑具体场景了。

这里再举一个翻译不当的问题。2021年北京国际消费中心城市论坛,官方翻译为 Beijing International Consumption Center Urban Forum 。这个城市论坛,翻译为urban forum看上去合适,实际上严重不当。

为什么呢?是因为政策理解不当,导致了断句错误。

也就是说应该读作“北京国际消费中心城市”论坛,而不是“北京国际消费中心”城市论坛。

为什么呢?

因为 在中文语境里,“国际消费中心城市”已经成了个专有名词,是一个发展战略,北京是其中之一。所以,应该翻译为Beijing International Consumption Center City Forum

是不是依然觉得很别扭?

可以改为 Beijing International Consumption Center Development Forum,不需要把城市再翻译出来。