“爱浦东、融世界” 如何翻译更好?

“爱浦东、融世界” 如何翻译更好?

“外籍人士融入浦东活动”的出发点是好的,但是将“爱浦东、融世界”翻译为To Love Pudong and to Integrate into the World就太生硬了。

这里有两种方案可以参考。

  • 采用更意译的方式,比如Help expats feel at home in Pudong 或者Pudong, A Place You Can Call Home
  • 尽量对应的翻译方法一,比Embrace Pudong, Connect with the World
  • 有没有更有创意的方式呢?比如Pudong这个地名包含着P和D两个主要字母,那么是否可以这样写广告词: Pudong: A Place to Discover 或者Pudong: Proudly Diverse

参考资料:明代職官中英辭典

参考资料:明代職官中英辭典 Chinese-English Dictionary of Ming Government Official Titles

https://escholarship.org/uc/item/2bz3v185

比如:

21皇太子 huang tai zi Heir Apparent

22 皇太子妃 huang tai zi fei Consort of the Heir Apparent

23 皇太子嬪 huang tai zi pin Concubine of the Heir Apparent

24 皇太孫 huang tai sun Imperial Grandson-heir

25 皇太孫妃 huang tai sun fei

Consort of the Imperial Grandson-heir

26 皇太孫嬪 huang tai sun pin Concubine of the Imperial Grandson- heir

三師三少 Three Preceptors and Three Juniors

27 太子三師 tai zi san shi

Three Preceptors of the Heir Apparent alt. 東宮三師 dong gong san shi; 東宮 三太 dong gong san tai

28 太子太師 tai zi tai shi

Grand Preceptor of the Heir Apparent

29 太子太傅 tai zi tai fu

Grand Mentor of the Heir Apparent

30 太子太保 tai zi tai bao

Grand Guardian of the Heir Apparent alt. 宮保 gong bao

31 太子三少 tai zi san shao

Three Junior Counselors of the Heir Apparent

alt. 東宮三少 dong gong san shao

32 太子少師 tai zi shao shi

Junior Preceptor of the Heir Apparent alt. 宮師 gong shi

33 太子少傅 tai zi shao fu

Junior Mentor of the Heir Apparent

34 太子少保 tai zi shao bao

Junior Guardian of the Heir Apparent

喝杯咖啡就说明经济有活力?没道理啊

如果中文网上突然出现一句新式表述,而且这句表述完整地出现在各种媒体,并进入了官方媒体的叙事中。你会觉得这个表述是否就一定正确呢?或者说,是否它就构成了一种知识,去影响你的判断。

我注意到这样一句话:

“在经济学领域,“咖啡指数”已成为直接反映一个地区经济活力的指标。从一定程度上讲,“咖啡指数”是都市繁华度的象征。“

这句话为了增强可信度,特意加上了“经济学领域”。我一眼看到这句话觉得别扭,是因为觉得这种逻辑很荒谬。你怎么可能因为很多人喝咖啡就觉得一个地区经济有活力呢?我们山东还爱吃葱蒜呢。所以,这顶多是个消费偏好而已。

而且,我的简单搜索,找不到任何与所谓“咖啡指数”相关的经济话题,它只是零星出现在一些中文媒体报道和自媒体稿子中。

下面列举了这句话在部分媒体中的出现情况,包括了对应的标题和发布时间(这种发布时间也可能被修改):

咖啡·黑胶·书|藏在老街里的惬意小时光——开启文化旅游新体验

发布时间:2022-07-28 (美团数据,蓬江区政府网)

http://www.pjq.gov.cn/jrpj/pjly/content/post_2659676.html

外卖订单同比增长101.9% 咖啡消费率先迎接暖春

2023-03-20 17:13:01 来源:新华网 (美团数据)

https://www.xinhuanet.com/tech/20230320/3df1a74396e542a4b32db83f71172912/c.html

咖啡产业“新一线”城市榜单 国产咖啡豆占据主流市场

2023年05月09日 11:17   来源:央广网   (满帮数据)

http://www.ce.cn/macro/more/202305/09/t20230509_38537826.shtml

进一步搜索,发现2022年8月的上海咖啡文化周上,美团公布的《中国咖啡消费洞察》,但是,当时的报道中并未出现“咖啡指数”这个说法。基本上可以猜测这个说法应该是在2022年出现的。

谷歌搜索这个词不会有直接相关结果,百度的搜索结果如下

那么英文中是否有咖啡指数这个说法呢?

是的,比如The S&P GSCI Coffee Index, a sub-index of the S&P GSCI, provides investors with a reliable and publicly available benchmark for investment performance in the coffee commodity market. 标普高盛咖啡指数是标普高盛指数的一个子指数,作为一个公开可靠的基准,用于衡量咖啡商品市场的投资表现。请注意这里是商品市场,而不是经济活跃力。 相应的,还有云南的咖啡价格指数。

此外,中文语境中,与咖啡相关的指数可能是这则新闻:在2021年3月29日举办的上海咖啡文化周开幕式上,上海第一财经传媒有限公司总经理陈思劼发布了《上海咖啡消费指数》。在2021年用的是咖啡消费指数,这个可以说得通。

我又利用ChatGPT,搜索不到这种说法(2021年9月)。

我并非经济学领域,也没法一定排除有这种逻辑。只是,直觉上判断它来自公司公关稿中的一种生搬硬造,故弄玄虚罢了,但最后也慢慢进入一种叙述体系,似乎成了一种知识一样。

金华政府网更新最频繁和全面的

优点:

第一,新闻更新非常及时,各方面都有。

第二,中英文对比发布,而且把翻译人员和校对都写出来了,比如Yiwu Promotes Imports and Exports http://english.jinhua.gov.cn/art/2023/5/26/art_1229181171_58899025.html#,(By Gong Shuhong, translated by Jin Haiqiong, edited by Kendra Fiddler) 这个标题实际上不太准确,因为整个内容只是前四个月的外贸数据。当标题用promote时,一般会把重点放在地方政府的具体措施上。

其他方面:

也是因为采用直译风格,导致可读性很差。比如下面,两次发改委同时出现。

  近日,浙江省发展和改革委员会发布《省发展改革委关于印发2023年省重点建设和预安排项目计划的通知》, The Zhejiang Provincial Development and Reform Commission issued a notice on the 2023 Provincial Key Construction and Pre-arranged Project Plan by the Provincial Development and Reform Commission.  

从分析改写三篇报道看连云港政府网

连云港政府网,从分析三篇报道开始。

第一篇,“第四届中国·连云港电商发展大会暨518网络购物季开幕式”http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/bede7050-3655-437f-9d8b-179e2048b089.html

On the morning of May 18th, the 4th Lianyungang China E-commerce Development Conference and the opening ceremony of 518 Online Shopping Season was held. Leaders from the Ministry of Commerce, Provincial Department of Commerce, China International E-commerce Center and Provincial E-commerce Association, representatives of well-known e-commerce platforms and logistics enterprises both domestically and internationally and persons in charge of business departments in some cities attended the opening ceremony.

第一段罗列参加领导。

The main leaders of the Municipal Party Committee welcomed the leaders and guests attending the event on behalf of the Municipal Party Committee and the Municipal Government in their speeches and expressed gratitude to friends from all walks of life who have always cared about and supported the development of Lianyungang.(这种描述都是客套话,无实际内容。写法很奇怪,“主要领导感谢领导和嘉宾”,至少应该是某某某代表某某感谢某某吧)

“formed an e-commerce development pattern represented by Donghai’s crystal, Ganyu’s seafood, Guannan’s mushroom, Guanyun’s themed clothing, Haizhou’s sportswear and Lianyun’s cross-border e-commerce.” 这个段落实际上很重要,把各个地区的特色提炼出来了。但是这类句子适合先强调特产,然后写地名。为什么?因为英文读者不太会去关注地名,但是很容易理解特产。

所以,可以改为The city’s regions have developed their individual strengths in various areas, including crystal products in Donghai, seafood in Ganyu, mushrooms in Guannan, clothing in Guanyun, sportswear in Haizhou, and cross-border e-commerce in Lianyun.”

The annual online retail sales have increased by 10 billion for five consecutive years. 这句话少了货币单位yuan

第二篇,http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/81d7674d-f949-4121-b4ac-44fd1a16e597.html 哈萨克斯坦江布尔图书馆连云港图书专柜揭牌 Recently, the unveiling ceremony of Lianyungang Book Counter at Jiangbul Library of Almaty, Kazakhstan was held. It is reported that after the establishment of a book counter in Akakiye Cai Rui Thali Batumi Public Library in Georgia, the local cultural and tourism books of Lianyungang once again went abroad and set up a book counter at Jiangbul Library of Almaty, Kazakhstan under the “Belt and Road” Initiative.

这个新闻选题不错,但是写法上有一些突出的问题。   

首先,一个应该绝对避免的错误是不要把国外地名人名等用汉语拼音翻译。这里,格鲁吉亚阿卡基耶·蔡瑞泰里巴统公共图书馆,翻译为了Akakiye Cai Rui Thali Batumi Public Library,这太奇怪了,怎么能有这种翻译呢?如何找到准确翻译呢?

我的方法是:首先这是一个人名,可以搜索“阿卡基耶·蔡瑞泰里”,搜到是Akaki Tsereteli,其次,巴统是格鲁吉亚城市 Batumi,这样继续搜索“Georgia Akaki Tsereteli Batumi library”,就很容找到应该是Akaki Tsereteli Batumi Public Library了。因此,可以确认 “江布尔图书馆”的翻译为Jiangbul也肯定是错误的。

其次,把这个句子从连云港的角度改写一下。因为无法确认图书馆的准确翻译,所以只能淡化处理。可以改为:Lianyungang showcased its cultural and tourism books at a library in Almaty, Kazakhstan, following a similar presence Batumi, Georgia under the “Belt and Road” Initiative.

第三篇,“一带一路”中心线城市水晶艺术品新疆站巡展举行,

http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/3ab524b6-ef3b-4906-a536-724048026a44.html 目前翻译为Crystal Art Roving Exhibition of the “Belt and Road” Central Cities Held in Xinjiang

首先,巡展,不是roving exhibition 可以是touring exhibition

其次,因为太直译,所以没有明白这个展览到底如何翻译。实际上是水晶艺术展在一带一路的中心线城市举办,其中包括了新疆站。那么这个标题就可以改为 Crystal art touring exhibition makes stop in Xinjiang

再次,正文部分。

As a funded project of Jiangsu Arts Fund in 2021, the crystal roving exhibition has a total of more than 200 pieces of crystal works of art, covering a variety of crystal crafts and highlighting the characteristics, style and prestige of Chinese crystal carving culture, which will play a positive role in improving the popularity and reputation of Lianyungang’s crystal culture, enriching the cultural connotation of Lianyungang as a strong pivot city of the ” Belt and Road” initiative, expanding investment and trade between Jiangsu and Xinjiang and boosting cultural and people-to-people exchanges.

这个整个段落是一句话,就是流水话。怎么改呢?两句话就行,一句话是事实(展览的基本信息),一句话是评论(属于解读)。可以改为  Sponsored by the Jiangsu Arts Fund in 2021, the exhibition features more than 200 crystal artworks in great craftsmanship and diverse styles. The project is expected to bolster the reputation of the coastal city as a renowned hub of crystal products and an important player in the initiative.

最后,关于网站内容设置方面,主要问题是更新太慢了,很多信息是2016年的。

比如道路交通下面列举了铁路规划,但是实际上过了这么多年,连淮扬镇铁路早开通了。另外的节点Business Environment,也是2016年更新的。关于连云港市的基本介绍也是2016年的,很多数字,比如人口面积等,实际上中文都有了更新。

http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/locationdivisions/content/406101af-4cc8-42f3-9b0f-59b6cb86440c.html

柳州市政府网英文版值得扩大选题

柳州市政府网的英文版http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn,新闻栏目叫“Picture News”,也就是都是图片新闻。

第一,从选题来看,均为财经新闻,而且东风汽车新闻较多;个别新闻不适合翻译为英语,比如一篇报道是说柳州市被CCTV的几个栏目报道了多次。 建议适当扩充其它领域,特别是一些政策的解读等。

第二,从风格来看,都是中文新闻的直译。比如其中一篇“风行T5 EVO狂飚版试驾会”的新闻,很多空洞范范的描述http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn/en_news/en_lznews/en_picnews/t19700101_3271913.shtml It is understood that since its launch, Forthing T5 EVO has quickly gained numerous fans.  这篇新闻自始至终都是用Forthing T5 EVO作主语,其实可以用the electric car, the latest model by Dongfeng等来代替的。

 第三,关于节点设置方面,目前关于柳州的介绍,只有短短两个段落,太少了http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn/en_aboutlz/en_klz/en_introduction/202208/t20220818_3120855.shtml

里面的介绍也有待改善,比如这句话,The industrial proportion ranks first in Guangxi, accounting for 1/4 of the total industry of Guangxi.,实际上可以改为The industrial output value of Liuzhou City accounted for one-fourth the total in Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region. 或者Liuzhou City contributed one-fourth of the industrial output value in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region. 柳州市工业产值占广西壮族自治区工业产值的四分之一

那么,如何简单介绍一座城市呢?ChatGPT给出的答案是:

Name of the City:  

Location:  

Size and Population 

Historical Background

Cultural Significance

Economic Profile 

Tourism Highlights: 

Infrastructure and Transportation

Unique Features:  

Future Development: 

大连的问题同样是来自生硬的翻译

大连政府网的外语版本包括了英语、日语和韩语,这值得表扬!

下面通过几篇文章,具体分析英文稿件的问题

第一,大连的新闻也是采用翻译风格,比如阅读下面这个关于科技周的,能数出里面多少科技吗?而且新闻英语中不用昨天,昨天是哪天呢?

2023 Dalian Science and Technology Week kicked off

https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/19/art_688_2078156.html

Yesterday, the 2023 Dalian Science and Technology Week kicked off at the Dalian Science and Technology Innovation Conference. From now until May 31st, our city will carry out nearly 100 activities to popularize characteristic science and benefit the people to lead the public into the world of science and technology and feel the charm of science.

还有个很别扭的说法,“popularize characteristic science”究竟是什么意思呢?我只能找到中文,发现是“面向公众的特色科学普及惠民活动”。依然不懂,接着看有什么特色?其实就是围绕大连优势领域的一些科普。至于,” benefit the people to lead the public into the world of science and technology and feel the charm of science” 这些话太空洞了。

为了更简洁得体一些,可以改写为

Dalian planned to organize 100 activities to enhance public awareness of science, particularly in fields that Dalian enjoy advantages, during the Science and Technology Week from May 18 to 31.

The opening ceremony also marked the start of an conference to boost innovation. 然后这个段落可以介绍创新大会的相关信息。

类似翻译风格还包括这个标题:

 Xiong Maoping presided over meeting of Standing Committee of Municipal Party Committee to review “Three Mechanisms for Promoting the High-quality Development of Projects in Dalian” 

Xiong Maoping presided over meeting of Standing Committee of Municipal Party Committee to further study and deploy the city to carry out in-depth theme education work

这种会议不需要强调谁主持,直接写出会议主题就行了。对于“主题教育活动”不能翻译为theme education work,实际上是themed Party education campaign因为这个运动包括了多个主题。重要的是,这类全国性的党建活动,大连不需要去编译英语的,新华社等都有报道(比如https://english.news.cn/20230402/dbd78b36324f454c8d96b3903324ff9f/c.html),地方城市只是落实而已。

Dalian carries out cross-inspection of major hazard source enterprises of hazardous chemicals

https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/19/art_688_2078157.html

这个标题,比较wordy,可以改为 Dalian enhances safety inspection of hazardous chemicals

再分析这篇文章

The Taiping Bay version of “Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships” was launched(https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/23/art_688_2078683.html)

这篇新闻“办事不找关系指南”翻译为了Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships 太粗暴和有点搞笑。“关系”是个很有特色的词汇,可以翻译为personal connections or social networks. 老外对这个词并不陌生,因为太多太多的相关报道和解释了。在企业活动中办事找关系属于规则权责不明确下的一种产物,就是找个deal maker,deal broker, business intermediary。“办事不找关系指南”对于中文读者来说接地气,翻译为英语的时候直接说办事指南就可以了,就是个governmental service guide  

中文原文:

据悉,《指南》共收录112项高频办理审批事项,按照省、市编制标准,太平湾对权力事项、办事不找关系路径、合规办事业务指南、违规禁办事项、容缺受理事项等板块内容进行编撰,并多次进行梳理修订,力求内容详尽、信息准确,真正实现让企业和办事群众“易读”“易问”“易懂”“易办”。目前,太平湾版《办事不找关系指南》已经通过大连政务服务网、太平湾政务服务中心等实行线上、线下同步公开。

现在网站上的英文是完全直译的:

It is reported that the “Guide” contains a total of 112 high-frequency examination and approval items. According to the provincial and municipal preparation standards, Taiping Bay has compiled the contents of the sections such as power matters, doing things without finding relationship paths, compliance business guidelines, illegal prohibitions, and tolerance acceptance matters, and has been combed and revised many times, striving for detailed content and accurate information, and truly making enterprises and working people “easy to read”, “easy to ask” and “easy to understand” At present, Taiping Bay Edition’s Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships has been made public online and offline through Dalian Government Service Network and Taiping Bay Government Service Center.

改写: 表达同样的意思,但是更清楚。

Taiping Bay in Dalian City has introduced a guide on administrative approval for 112 matters, in accordance with provincial and municipal standards. 

This guide provides a clear outline of the responsibilities of governmental departments, procedures, and requirements. It enables enterprises in the port area to understand how to handle specific administrative approval issues without relying on personal connections

选题需要改善,党政类新闻太多,不需要翻译为英语。