Category: IDEAS

连云港政府网，从分析三篇报道开始。

第一篇，“第四届中国·连云港电商发展大会暨518网络购物季开幕式”http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/bede7050-3655-437f-9d8b-179e2048b089.html

On the morning of May 18th, the 4th Lianyungang China E-commerce Development Conference and the opening ceremony of 518 Online Shopping Season was held. Leaders from the Ministry of Commerce, Provincial Department of Commerce, China International E-commerce Center and Provincial E-commerce Association, representatives of well-known e-commerce platforms and logistics enterprises both domestically and internationally and persons in charge of business departments in some cities attended the opening ceremony.

第一段罗列参加领导。

The main leaders of the Municipal Party Committee welcomed the leaders and guests attending the event on behalf of the Municipal Party Committee and the Municipal Government in their speeches and expressed gratitude to friends from all walks of life who have always cared about and supported the development of Lianyungang.（这种描述都是客套话，无实际内容。写法很奇怪，“主要领导感谢领导和嘉宾”，至少应该是某某某代表某某感谢某某吧）

“formed an e-commerce development pattern represented by Donghai’s crystal, Ganyu’s seafood, Guannan’s mushroom, Guanyun’s themed clothing, Haizhou’s sportswear and Lianyun’s cross-border e-commerce.” 这个段落实际上很重要，把各个地区的特色提炼出来了。但是这类句子适合先强调特产，然后写地名。为什么？因为英文读者不太会去关注地名，但是很容易理解特产。

所以，可以改为The city’s regions have developed their individual strengths in various areas, including crystal products in Donghai, seafood in Ganyu, mushrooms in Guannan, clothing in Guanyun, sportswear in Haizhou, and cross-border e-commerce in Lianyun.”

The annual online retail sales have increased by 10 billion for five consecutive years. 这句话少了货币单位yuan

第二篇，http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/81d7674d-f949-4121-b4ac-44fd1a16e597.html 哈萨克斯坦江布尔图书馆连云港图书专柜揭牌 Recently, the unveiling ceremony of Lianyungang Book Counter at Jiangbul Library of Almaty, Kazakhstan was held. It is reported that after the establishment of a book counter in Akakiye Cai Rui Thali Batumi Public Library in Georgia, the local cultural and tourism books of Lianyungang once again went abroad and set up a book counter at Jiangbul Library of Almaty, Kazakhstan under the “Belt and Road” Initiative.

这个新闻选题不错，但是写法上有一些突出的问题。   

首先，一个应该绝对避免的错误是不要把国外地名人名等用汉语拼音翻译。这里，格鲁吉亚阿卡基耶·蔡瑞泰里巴统公共图书馆，翻译为了Akakiye Cai Rui Thali Batumi Public Library，这太奇怪了，怎么能有这种翻译呢？如何找到准确翻译呢？

我的方法是：首先这是一个人名，可以搜索“阿卡基耶·蔡瑞泰里”，搜到是Akaki Tsereteli，其次，巴统是格鲁吉亚城市 Batumi，这样继续搜索“Georgia Akaki Tsereteli Batumi library”，就很容找到应该是Akaki Tsereteli Batumi Public Library了。因此，可以确认 “江布尔图书馆”的翻译为Jiangbul也肯定是错误的。

其次，把这个句子从连云港的角度改写一下。因为无法确认图书馆的准确翻译，所以只能淡化处理。可以改为：Lianyungang showcased its cultural and tourism books at a library in Almaty, Kazakhstan, following a similar presence Batumi, Georgia under the “Belt and Road” Initiative.

第三篇，“一带一路”中心线城市水晶艺术品新疆站巡展举行，

http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/news/content/3ab524b6-ef3b-4906-a536-724048026a44.html 目前翻译为Crystal Art Roving Exhibition of the “Belt and Road” Central Cities Held in Xinjiang

首先，巡展，不是roving exhibition 可以是touring exhibition

其次，因为太直译，所以没有明白这个展览到底如何翻译。实际上是水晶艺术展在一带一路的中心线城市举办，其中包括了新疆站。那么这个标题就可以改为 Crystal art touring exhibition makes stop in Xinjiang

再次，正文部分。

As a funded project of Jiangsu Arts Fund in 2021, the crystal roving exhibition has a total of more than 200 pieces of crystal works of art, covering a variety of crystal crafts and highlighting the characteristics, style and prestige of Chinese crystal carving culture, which will play a positive role in improving the popularity and reputation of Lianyungang’s crystal culture, enriching the cultural connotation of Lianyungang as a strong pivot city of the ” Belt and Road” initiative, expanding investment and trade between Jiangsu and Xinjiang and boosting cultural and people-to-people exchanges.

这个整个段落是一句话，就是流水话。怎么改呢？两句话就行，一句话是事实（展览的基本信息），一句话是评论（属于解读）。可以改为  Sponsored by the Jiangsu Arts Fund in 2021, the exhibition features more than 200 crystal artworks in great craftsmanship and diverse styles. The project is expected to bolster the reputation of the coastal city as a renowned hub of crystal products and an important player in the initiative.

最后，关于网站内容设置方面，主要问题是更新太慢了，很多信息是2016年的。

比如道路交通下面列举了铁路规划，但是实际上过了这么多年，连淮扬镇铁路早开通了。另外的节点Business Environment,也是2016年更新的。关于连云港市的基本介绍也是2016年的，很多数字，比如人口面积等，实际上中文都有了更新。

http://www.lyg.gov.cn/lygmhywwz/locationdivisions/content/406101af-4cc8-42f3-9b0f-59b6cb86440c.html

柳州市政府网的英文版http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn，新闻栏目叫“Picture News”，也就是都是图片新闻。

第一，从选题来看，均为财经新闻，而且东风汽车新闻较多；个别新闻不适合翻译为英语，比如一篇报道是说柳州市被CCTV的几个栏目报道了多次。 建议适当扩充其它领域，特别是一些政策的解读等。

第二，从风格来看，都是中文新闻的直译。比如其中一篇“风行T5 EVO狂飚版试驾会”的新闻，很多空洞范范的描述http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn/en_news/en_lznews/en_picnews/t19700101_3271913.shtml It is understood that since its launch, Forthing T5 EVO has quickly gained numerous fans.  这篇新闻自始至终都是用Forthing T5 EVO作主语，其实可以用the electric car, the latest model by Dongfeng等来代替的。

 第三，关于节点设置方面，目前关于柳州的介绍，只有短短两个段落，太少了http://english.yun.liuzhou.gov.cn/en_aboutlz/en_klz/en_introduction/202208/t20220818_3120855.shtml。

里面的介绍也有待改善，比如这句话，The industrial proportion ranks first in Guangxi, accounting for 1/4 of the total industry of Guangxi.，实际上可以改为The industrial output value of Liuzhou City accounted for one-fourth the total in Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region. 或者Liuzhou City contributed one-fourth of the industrial output value in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region. 柳州市工业产值占广西壮族自治区工业产值的四分之一

那么，如何简单介绍一座城市呢？ChatGPT给出的答案是：

Name of the City:  

Location:  

Size and Population 

Historical Background

Cultural Significance

Economic Profile 

Tourism Highlights: 

Infrastructure and Transportation

Unique Features:  

Future Development: 

大连政府网的外语版本包括了英语、日语和韩语，这值得表扬！

下面通过几篇文章，具体分析英文稿件的问题

第一，大连的新闻也是采用翻译风格，比如阅读下面这个关于科技周的，能数出里面多少科技吗？而且新闻英语中不用昨天，昨天是哪天呢？

2023 Dalian Science and Technology Week kicked off

https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/19/art_688_2078156.html

Yesterday, the 2023 Dalian Science and Technology Week kicked off at the Dalian Science and Technology Innovation Conference. From now until May 31st, our city will carry out nearly 100 activities to popularize characteristic science and benefit the people to lead the public into the world of science and technology and feel the charm of science.

还有个很别扭的说法，“popularize characteristic science”究竟是什么意思呢？我只能找到中文，发现是“面向公众的特色科学普及惠民活动”。依然不懂，接着看有什么特色？其实就是围绕大连优势领域的一些科普。至于，” benefit the people to lead the public into the world of science and technology and feel the charm of science” 这些话太空洞了。

为了更简洁得体一些，可以改写为

Dalian planned to organize 100 activities to enhance public awareness of science, particularly in fields that Dalian enjoy advantages, during the Science and Technology Week from May 18 to 31.

The opening ceremony also marked the start of an conference to boost innovation. 然后这个段落可以介绍创新大会的相关信息。

类似翻译风格还包括这个标题：

 Xiong Maoping presided over meeting of Standing Committee of Municipal Party Committee to review “Three Mechanisms for Promoting the High-quality Development of Projects in Dalian” 

Xiong Maoping presided over meeting of Standing Committee of Municipal Party Committee to further study and deploy the city to carry out in-depth theme education work

这种会议不需要强调谁主持，直接写出会议主题就行了。对于“主题教育活动”不能翻译为theme education work，实际上是themed Party education campaign因为这个运动包括了多个主题。重要的是，这类全国性的党建活动，大连不需要去编译英语的，新华社等都有报道(比如https://english.news.cn/20230402/dbd78b36324f454c8d96b3903324ff9f/c.html)，地方城市只是落实而已。

Dalian carries out cross-inspection of major hazard source enterprises of hazardous chemicals

https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/19/art_688_2078157.html

这个标题，比较wordy，可以改为 Dalian enhances safety inspection of hazardous chemicals

再分析这篇文章

The Taiping Bay version of “Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships” was launched（https://en.dl.gov.cn/art/2023/5/23/art_688_2078683.html）

这篇新闻“办事不找关系指南”翻译为了Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships 太粗暴和有点搞笑。“关系”是个很有特色的词汇，可以翻译为personal connections or social networks. 老外对这个词并不陌生，因为太多太多的相关报道和解释了。在企业活动中办事找关系属于规则权责不明确下的一种产物，就是找个deal maker，deal broker, business intermediary。“办事不找关系指南”对于中文读者来说接地气，翻译为英语的时候直接说办事指南就可以了，就是个governmental service guide  

中文原文：

据悉，《指南》共收录112项高频办理审批事项，按照省、市编制标准，太平湾对权力事项、办事不找关系路径、合规办事业务指南、违规禁办事项、容缺受理事项等板块内容进行编撰，并多次进行梳理修订，力求内容详尽、信息准确，真正实现让企业和办事群众“易读”“易问”“易懂”“易办”。目前，太平湾版《办事不找关系指南》已经通过大连政务服务网、太平湾政务服务中心等实行线上、线下同步公开。

现在网站上的英文是完全直译的：

It is reported that the “Guide” contains a total of 112 high-frequency examination and approval items. According to the provincial and municipal preparation standards, Taiping Bay has compiled the contents of the sections such as power matters, doing things without finding relationship paths, compliance business guidelines, illegal prohibitions, and tolerance acceptance matters, and has been combed and revised many times, striving for detailed content and accurate information, and truly making enterprises and working people “easy to read”, “easy to ask” and “easy to understand” At present, Taiping Bay Edition’s Guide to Doing Things without Looking for Relationships has been made public online and offline through Dalian Government Service Network and Taiping Bay Government Service Center.

改写: 表达同样的意思，但是更清楚。

Taiping Bay in Dalian City has introduced a guide on administrative approval for 112 matters, in accordance with provincial and municipal standards. 

This guide provides a clear outline of the responsibilities of governmental departments, procedures, and requirements. It enables enterprises in the port area to understand how to handle specific administrative approval issues without relying on personal connections

选题需要改善，党政类新闻太多，不需要翻译为英语。

来看台州市政府网英文版新闻部分http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/col/col1229022777/index.html

先表扬优点：以本地新闻为主，虽然学习文件等会议类的新闻太多。

一些注意到的问题如下：

硬核，不要翻译为hard-core 或者hardcore，大家可以自行去搜索这个词常出现在什么语境中。修饰政策措施的词包括sound, robust, effective, well-thought-out, rational, practical, pragmatic 等

Taizhou Launches 10 Hard-core Measures on Environmental Protection

http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733691.html

这个新闻的写法因为是纯粹翻译，所以就是一句话把十条措施都列举出来了，这怎么读？，其实，可以改善一些表述方式，比如，先提出前三条、然后还包括，此外对那些领域做了规定等。

“防火墙”翻译为Firewall也非常有问题，即便带了引号也不该用，难道不知道英文读者看到Firewall会想到什么吗？这里直接说financial fraud prevention program, anti-financial fraud measures, fraud risk mitigation等

First “Firewall” Built for Financial Security in Taizhou

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733690.html

Internet financial crimes like illegal fund-raising and loan fraud has been increasing these years. To fend off financial risks, ensure financial security and social stability, the People’s Procuratorate of Jiaojiang and Jiaojiang Finance Work Center collaborated on the initiative 11 Terms for the Prevention and Regulation of Financial Risks and Corresponding Procuratorial Supervision, building a “firewall” against financial risks.

Taizhou to Create Eco-friendly Business Environment

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733689.html

Water accumulates and fish breeds, woods thrive and birds inhabit. Being eco-friendly and more livable is a higher level for a business environment and an embodiment of competitiveness. On May 5, the press conference of “Reform Project I”, involving 10 hard-core measures on environmental protection for the optimization of business environment in Taizhou was convened by Taizhou Municipal Ecology and Environment Bureau, in order to create an eco-friendly business environment.

上述两篇新闻的编译有个共同特征，就是上来都是一段描述性的文字，然后再去进入主题。其实这种范范的介绍，根本不需要写出来。

下面这个就不知所云了：

Speed up Two “50%”Missions in 2nd Quarter with Solid Performance

 http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/12/art_1229022777_57733688.html

The regular meeting for the vigorous promotion of innovating and deepening the reform and opening up and county (city, district) work exchange was convened on May 6, which was presided by Municipal Party Secretary Li Yueqi, in whose speech the initiative of high-quality development that should be grasped by all localities and departments was stressed on, the three ways of further innovating and deepening the reform and opening up was focused on, and the acceleration of two “50%”missions in quarter 2 was mentioned, so that Taizhou could be dedicated to the current work and reply with a satisfactory result in the first half of this year. The meeting was held by video, with sub-meetings for all counties (cities, districts) , as well as the Taizhou Bay New Area. Wu Xiaodong, deputy secretary of the Municipal Committee and Mayor of Taizhou deployed relevant work for the 2nd quarter, and city leaders, such as Wu Haiping and Ye Haiyan were also present.

这完全是机械的翻译。这里涉及到一些中国特色的词汇，如果不去解释就无法理解。比如什么是“two “50%”missions”。“双过半”，时间过半、任务过半？早在2014年，中国产经新闻报就有文章指出“双过半”隐忧（http://finance.sina.com.cn/roll/20140609/025719349338.shtml）

上述新闻对应中文（https://tz.zjol.com.cn/sjszzms/202305/t20230507_25712667.shtml）是：

5月6日，全市强力推进创新深化改革攻坚开放提升工作例会暨县（市、区）工作交流会召开。市委书记李跃旗出席会议并讲话，强调各地各部门要牢牢把握高质量发展主动权，聚焦创新深化改革攻坚开放提升三条路径，着眼提速二季度、确保“双过半”，在发展赛场上进一步干起来、跑起来，奋力交出“半年红”发展报表。会议以视频形式召开，各县（市、区）、台州湾新区设分会场。市委副书记、市长吴晓东部署二季度相关工作，吴海平、叶海燕等市领导出席会议。

综合评述：领导讲话涉及到缩略语需要介绍。其实，这个新闻根本并不需要翻译为英语。 台州市还有很多英语新闻，就是开了某个会议，把很多参会的人都罗列出来。这有什么传播意义呢？

再比如“Reclaiming Taizhou” National Reading Activity of 2023 Launched，http://en.zjtz.gov.cn/art/2023/5/6/art_1229022777_57733678.html，不知道为什么这个读书节翻译为Reclaiming Taizhou，好像是台州被收回一样，打开新闻一看也是罗列了某某某参加启动仪式，但是这里的核心问题实际上应该是解释这个活动要做什么，特别是Reclaiming Taizhou究竟是什么意思。

石家庄市政府英文网在四个半月时间（2022年12月14日到2023年4月27日）发布十条新闻，其中转发自中国日报或者网6篇，转自新华社一篇，其余三篇新闻内容为：五一乘客流量、旧房改造、消费节。石家庄市的对外传播、文化交流、贸易发展信息几乎为零。

这篇文章讲述机器翻译将“我”翻译为“我们”，导致了申请庇护的书面文件与初期面谈表述出现不一致，法官为此拒绝了庇护的申请。

https://restofworld.org/2023/ai-translation-errors-afghan-refugees-asylum/

机器翻译工具正在崛起，并且越来越多地被从事难民和移民工作的营利性政府承包商和援助组织所使用。

尤其是普什图语和达里语的机器翻译，错误百出，给本已复杂的移民程序带来了混乱，并导致至少一名阿富汗难民的庇护申请被拒绝。

难民倡导者强调了人类在翻译工作中的重要性，并告诫在包括庇护法庭在内的高风险情况下，不要依赖机器翻译。

中山市政府网的英文版发了一条新闻，讲述给一些家庭颁奖。

链接和内容如下

http://www.zs.gov.cn/ywb/news/localnews/content/post_2276483.html

Zhongshan’s awards ‘Most Beautiful Families’

Zhongshan’s “Most Beautiful Families” for 2023 were announced at the launch ceremony of the “Harmony Brings Prosperity” Family Culture Promotion Month of Zhongshan on May 15.

Winners of the “Most Beautiful Families of China” for 2023, the 17th “Guangdong Literary Families”, as well as the “Zhongshan Top 10 Literary Families” and the “Zhongshan Top 10 Most Beautiful Families” for 2023 were awarded at the event.

This year, Zhongshan has 1 family selected as the “Most Beautiful Families of China” and 1 family as the 17th “Guangdong Literary Families”. They are the family of Huang Wenfa in East District and the family of Pan Tianyuan in Huangpu Town.

点评：这只是个颁奖典礼的新闻。但是从对外传播的角度，这个稿子应该进行全面的改写。这里，至少要介绍什么是全国的最美家庭？什么是广东省“书香家庭”？获奖的原因是什么？缺少这些信息，根本无法理解中山市这个活动的意义何在，也根本无法对外讲述一个故事。

搜索资料发现：

全国妇联组织的全国最美家庭，有1000户家庭获选，主要是“积极培育和践行社会主义核心价值观，在各行各业弘扬劳动精神、奋斗精神、奉献精神、创造精神、勤俭节约精神”。http://cpc.people.com.cn/n1/2023/0515/c164113-32686256.html

书香家庭是广东妇联组织的，旨在“动员广大家庭以书香家庭为榜样，注重家庭亲子阅读，树立终身学习理念，大力培育读书尚学、崇文乐善的好家风”https://news.dayoo.com/guangdong/202304/23/139996_54463343.htm

有了这两个背景之后，还要介绍为何中山有个家庭获得全国奖，

原因是https://www.zsnews.cn/news/index/view/cateid/35/id/707332.html

黄文发是东区街道亨尾村人，作为家中长子的他，从小便担起照顾家庭的责任。1959年8月，黄文发的二弟出生不久后就被查出患有先天性软骨病，对二弟的特殊照顾自然也落在了黄文发肩上。1981年，黄文发与林少凤结婚，林少凤从不嫌弃他有一个残疾的弟弟，与丈夫共同承担起照顾二弟的重担。

多年来他们对二弟不离不弃，还教育自己的儿女孝顺二弟，他们的故事也成为邻里之间的美谈，他们也是中山今年唯一获评全国最美家庭的家庭。

在有了上述背景信息之后，

这个新闻可以这样写：

Zhongshan honours families in launching citywide campaign

Zhongshan city honoured families that won national and provincial awards on May 15 while launching a citywide campaign to promote family culture under the theme of “Harmony Brings Prosperity”.

Huang Wenfa’s family was the only one from Zhongshan to win the national title of Most Beautiful Families, an honour organized by the All-China Women’s Federation to promote the spirit dedication, creativity, diligence and thrift. The 2023 edition has 1,000 families recognized nationwide. 

Huang and his wife, Lin Shaofeng, have always looked after his disabled brother since they got married in 1981. The couple has also taught their children to be kind and helpful too, winning praises from the locals.

The family of Pan Tianyuan  was the only winner from Zhongshan to receive the honour of Guangdong Literary Families, organized by the Guangdong Women’s Federation to make reading and lifelong learning a core part of family life. 

Pan and his wife have invested all their life savings into the construction of a cultural centre using the four rooms of their ancestral home. The venue has  a collection of nearly 10,000 books of various kinds .

注意：从结构上来说，还应该有一段介绍 “家庭文化宣传月”，可以这样过渡，the awarding ceremony also marked the start of the city’s campaign to promote family culture. 再介绍内容，参考相关报道：https://www.zsbtv.com.cn/a/bdxw/content_202176.shtml，各级妇联上下呼应、部门积极联动，将开展360多项群众喜闻乐见、形式丰富新颖的主题活动，倡导全社会共同关注参与家庭教育，让家庭文明之花在中山遍地开放，让文明之风吹进千家万户、润泽社会，为全国文明城市创建赋予温暖而坚定的家庭力量。这里就不再写出来了。

总结：

这类稿件需要进行一种思维的转变：从“为某人颁奖”转变为“某人因为ABC获得了某个具体的奖励，而这体现了城市建设的某种努力”

汕头政府网英文版新闻栏目是中英文对照的，比较少见。这也能看出来英文版本就是基于中文对照翻译的，难免车轱辘话。

这里修改其中两篇文章，来介绍如何写作编译

第一篇：原文https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2219845.html

中文原文：

汕头举办海上风电船舶前沿技术研讨会

　　5月8日，由中国可再生能源学会风能专业委员会主办的海上风电船舶前沿技术研讨会在我市举办，海上风电领域专家以及国内外海上风电相关企业、科研机构、协会代表齐聚汕头开展研讨交流，集行业智慧和力量助力汕头国际风电创新港建设和海上风电产业高质量发展。

　　市长曾风保在致辞时指出，汕头作为国家一类口岸城市、全国五大海上风电基地之一，具备海上风电开发建设的独特优势。希望与会专家学者和嘉宾深入沟通探讨、深化交流合作，为汕头海上风电产业发展把脉支招、献计献策；汕头诚挚欢迎各海洋工程企业、开发企业、研究机构选择汕头、投资汕头，与汕头携手共创海上风电产业高质量发展美好未来。

英文原文：

On May 8, the Symposium on Cutting-Edge Technology for Offshore Wind Power Vessels, which was sponsored by the Wind Energy Professional Committee of China Renewable Energy Society, was held in Shantou. Experts in the field of offshore wind power and representatives of domestic and foreign offshore wind power-related enterprises, scientific research institutions and associations gathered in Shantou for discussions and exchanges, pooling industry wisdom and strength to boost the construction of Shantou International Wind Power Innovation Hub and the high-quality development of the offshore wind power industry.

In his speech, Mayor Zeng Fengbao pointed out that as a national first-class port city and one of China’s top five offshore wind power bases, Shantou has unique advantages in offshore wind power development and construction. He hoped that the participating experts, scholars and guests would have in-depth communication and discussion, deepen exchanges and cooperation, come up with ideas and proposals for the development of the offshore wind power industry in Shantou. Shantou sincerely welcomes all offshore engineering enterprises, development enterprises and research institutes to choose Shantou, invest in Shantou, and join hands with Shantou to create a better future for the high-quality development of the offshore wind power industry.

修改后文章：

 Shantou recently hosted the Symposium on Cutting-Edge Technology for Offshore Wind Power Vessels, organized by the Wind Energy Professional Committee of China Renewable Energy Society. 

The symposium brought together experts, representatives from domestic and foreign enterprises, research institutions, and associations. The event aimed to harness collective industry knowledge and resources to transform Shantou into an international innovation hub and a prominent player in the offshore wind power industry.

During the symposium, Shantou Mayor Zeng Fengbao emphasized the city’s strengths, highlighting its status as a first-class national port city and one of China’s top five offshore wind power bases.

Mayor Zeng called for in-depth discussions, exchanges, and cooperation to support the city’s development in the industry. He warmly welcomed enterprises and research institutes to explore opportunities for growth and collaboration in Shantou.

 点评：原译文句式冗长、重点不清，段落之间缺乏联系。修改后译文层次分明、内容简洁直接。

第二篇https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2219852.html

中文原文

　　5月9日上午，第四届“市长杯”工业设计大赛颁奖典礼暨汕头工业设计周开幕式在潮汕历史文化博览中心举行。

　　本次活动设置“市长杯”大赛颁奖典礼、工业设计周开幕式、工业绿色设计峰会、大赛优秀作品展、工业设计产品展、成果转化对接会、“走进汕头”产业集群等七大特色环节，将持续至5月21日结束。大赛设立主赛事（产品设计组、概念设计组）及纺织服装、玩具创意、汕头礼物、“侨”主题设计、汕头工匠评选五大专项赛，共征集作品3400余件，评选出一批设计理念新、技术含量高、应用价值大的优秀作品，颁出主赛事与各专项赛金银铜奖、十大优秀工业设计师、十大新锐工业设计师、汕头工匠等主要奖项。

现在英文：

On the morning of May 9, the award ceremony of the 4th “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition and the opening ceremony of Shantou Industrial Design Week were held at Expo Center of Chaoshan History and Culture.

The Event features seven special sessions, including the Award Ceremony of the “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition, the Opening Ceremony of the Industrial Design Week, the Industrial Green Design Summit, the Exhibition of Outstanding Works of the Competition, the Industrial Design Product Exhibition, the Matchmaking Conference for Applying Research Results to Production, and the “Entering Shantou” Industrial Cluster, and will continue until May 21. The Competition consists of the main competition (product design group and concept design group) and five major special competitions, including textiles and clothing, toy creativity, Shantou gift, “overseas Chinese” theme design, and Shantou craftsmen selection. A total of 3,400 works were collected, and a batch of outstanding works with new design concepts, high technology content, and great application value were selected. The major awards include the gold, silver and bronze awards of the main competition and special competitions, top ten outstanding industrial designers, top ten emerging industrial designers, and Shantou craftsmen.

修改后英文：

目前的译文将重点放在了颁奖的开幕式上，但是对于读者来说，重要的实际上是究竟什么作品获奖了，获奖原因是什么，但是目前的中文内容缺乏这些信息。怎么办？只能继续强调开幕式。可以将内容整理提炼一下，增强可读性。

The fourth edition of the “Mayor Cup” Industrial Design Competition held its award ceremony at the Shantou History and Culture Expo Center on May 9, which also marked the launch of Shantou Industrial Design Week.

The event encompassed seven sessions that will run until May 21, such as the Industrial Green Design Summit and a business matchmaking conference.

The competition consisted of five categories, spanning from textiles and clothing, toys, gifts, and a special category focused on the theme of overseas Chinese as Shantou is the ancestral hometown of many overseas Chinese.

The competition received more than 3,400 entries, including some featuring fresh ideas, advanced technology, and promising applications. 

The awards recognized  top ten outstanding industrial designers, top ten emerging industrial designers, and individuals honoured as Shantou craftsmen. 

第三篇https://english.shantou.gov.cn/english/news/content/post_2216773.html

只是修改主要部分。

中文原文：泰国中华总商会访问团莅汕

　　4月28日至30日，由泰国中华总商会主席林楚钦率领的访问团一行莅汕，实地感受家乡建设发展的新面貌新变化新活力，共叙桑梓情谊，深化交流合作。

　　在汕期间，访问团一行参观了小公园开埠区，零距离感受这里的红色文化、华侨文化、非遗文化、美食文化。访问团还前往澄海区溪南镇开展寻根活动，前往广益街道了解中泰同心文化交流园规划情况，围绕与澄海共建华侨文化小镇、中泰文化交流博物馆、华文教育机构、中泰风情商业街等合作事项进行商讨对接。

英文原文：

From April 28 to 30, a delegation led by Lim Chu Chin, Chairman of the Chinese Chamber of Commerce of Thailand, visited Shantou. Through field visits, they acclaimed the new look, new changes and new vitality of the development of their hometown, renewed their hometown attachment, and deepened exchanges and cooperation.

During their stay in Shantou, the delegation visited the Port-opening Area of Small Park, and from a zero-distance, experienced the red culture, overseas Chinese culture, intangible cultural heritage, and food culture. The delegation also went to Xinan Town in Chenghai District to conduct cultural root-seeking activities, visited Guangyi Sub-district to learn about the planning of the Sino-Thai Tongxin Cultural Exchange Park, and discussed and connected with Chenghai on cooperation matters such as the joint construction of the overseas Chinese cultural town, Sino-Thai cultural exchange museum, Chinese language education institution, and Sino-Thai featured commercial street.

修改意见：

首先，目前采用的直译的方式是很难阅读的。比如中文是“零距离感受这里的红色文化、华侨文化、非遗文化、美食文化。”翻译为“experienced the red culture, overseas Chinese culture, intangible cultural heritage, and food culture.”这里因该略微解释才对，而不能是四个culture

可以改为

They gained a direct understanding of historical sites with modern revolutionary legacies, the city’s reputation as a hometown of overseas Chinese communities, its intangible cultural heritage, and its signature cuisine.

其次，专有名词最好采纳其官方翻译，比如泰国中华总商会是翻译为Thai -Chinese Chamber of Commerce 

再次，可以将第一段修改如下：

A delegation led by Lim Chu Chin, Chairman of Thai -Chinese Chamber of Commerce, visited Shantou from April 28 to 30.

Participants were impressed by the city’s vibrant transformation and development momentum in the visit , which helped deepen their connection to Shantou and enhance collaboration and exchange.

（上面这个段落要比原文要好吧？Through field visits, they acclaimed the new look, new changes and new vitality of the development of their hometown, renewed their hometown attachment, and deepened exchanges and cooperation.）

这20条新闻发布于3月28日到5月12日。

温州是私营经济发达的地区，不过从这些新闻来看主要是文化旅游。

来源是http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/col/col1231275/index.html

此外，

At the end of 2022, Wenzhou had a permanent resident population of 8,318 million, while the registered population was 9.679 million.

http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/art/2023/4/23/art_1231273_57849261.html

这里是标点错误，应该是8.318 million

 这些稿子中最重要的应该属于http://english.wenzhou.gov.cn/art/2023/3/28/art_1231275_57849234.html，也就是2023年全市重大建设项目计划出炉

里面有个问题就是瑞浦兰钧新能源制造基地项目，不适合音译为Ruipu Lanjun，应该是

REPT BATTERO 

新闻总数：58条

发布日期：2023年1月10日-5月9日

新闻来源：http://eng.hangzhou.gov.cn/col/col811217/index.html

结论：

内容方面，主要是茶、亚运会、博物馆和新鲜事（new）

具体来说，58条新闻中只有6条是经贸新闻，包括外贸一条和杭州机场的两条、高速路，其余的都是文化和旅游新闻。

评价：杭州自然是旅游胜地，所以很多文旅新闻并不奇怪，但是这不是杭州的文化旅游部门网站，而是杭州市的网站，应该多一些宏观的商业经济新闻、一些政策的解析、一些涉外相关的动态等。

以下是杭州政府英文网发布的58条新闻：

1. Hangzhou Witnesses a Steady Growth in Global Trade  
2. Walk Along the Grand Canal Toward the Ancient Town  
3. Song-Style Wedding on the Waters  
4. National Poetry Competition Award Ceremony Held at the Greatest Poet’s Memorial
5. World Earth Day Celebrated across Hangzhou  
6. Tea Drinking Day is Happening in Hangzhou  
7. Enjoy all Zhejiang Delicacies in One Day  
8. Hangzhou’s Airport Exported Compact a New Energy Vehicle for the First Time  
9. Award Ceremony of the First “Enduring Memories of Hangzhou” Kicks off 
10. Springtime Longjing Tea is Answering A Curtain Call 
11. Go Find Thrills of Ancient Culture in Kuahuqiao Culture Site Museum  
12. The Flavor of the Song Culture Reborn in Xinanjiang 
13. Giant Manmade Crop Characters Thrill Park Visitors 
14. Mouthwatering Food Presented in Creative Dish Competition of the West Lake 
15. Fashion is in Full Flow in Hangzhou
16. Try Your Hand at Inscription Rubbing at the Yue Temple on Saturday  
17. Cherry Blossom Run: A Springtime Hangzhou Romance   
18. Hangzhou Airport Launched its First Entirely Cargo Route in 2023  
19. Two Innovation Centers to be Opened in Mengqi Town 
20. Peach and Pear Blossoms Greet Visitors Coming in Swarms  
21. Jingshan Tea to Be Harvested from March 18  
22. Artinno Town: A National Base for “New Organizations and Groups for Art and Culture” 
23. Archery League Closes at the Asian Games Venue  
24. Multiple Watching Spaces Gear Up for the Asian Games 
25. Jingshan Tea to Be Harvested in Late March  
26. Spring Tea Picking Kicked off in Qiandao Lake  
27. Plum Blossoms Are in the Prime at Xixi Wetlands 
28. Breeze Awakens the Lakeside Park  
29. West Lake District Endeavors to Build Brands in Cultural Tourism  
30. “Asian Games 10 Cities Tour” Kicks off in Greater Bay Area  
31. Plum Blossoms Play the Lead in Tour Attractions 
32. First Restaurant in China to Dine with Penguins 
33. 2023 Lin’an Half Marathon Is around the Corner 
34. Zhejiang Exhibition Hall Makes a New Debut at Night 
35. Golden Cruise Routes Set Sail along the “Three Rivers and Their Banks”  
36. “Hangzhou Talent Code” Wins Award from Province Authority  
37. Withered Lotus Flowers and Stalks to be Cut in Two Weeks 
38. Hunting for the Most Beautiful Scenes along the Canal 
39. A Day back to the Southern Song Dynasty  
40. Back to the Old New Year in Sugars  
41. Hubin: New Year Celebrated by Drums Dancers and Image Artworks  
42. New Year’s Aura Comes Alive with Local Heritage Artists  
43. Nomination of “Hangzhou Digital Craftsman” Debuted  
44. Fashion Review Unveiled in National Silk Museum in Honor of the Past 30 Years  
45. Xixi Wetland: A Rebound of Sightseeing Business with 42,000 Visitors 
46. Spring Festival Shopping Festival Kicks off on January 6  
47. Free Admission to 17 Scenic Spots in Hangzhou by March 31  
48. Hangzhou Asian Para Games Releases Its Theme Song 
49. Pilot Section of Lin’an-Jiande Expressway to be in Use 
50. Clean and Shine – How Fenkou Is Made So Beautiful 
51. Fuchun Sub-district Have Pros for a Booming Rural Economy  
52. Hangzhou Airport Offers Phone Plate Scanning to Pay Fees 
53. Asian Games 2022 Gifts or Badges on the Shelf Again 
54. The Lake in Winter Is Alive with Water Birds 
55. Hangzhou Regulates Her Foreign Language Public Signs 
56. Go for a Night Session at the National Wetland Museum of China to Understand Endangered Animals  
57. Shangcheng, A New Destination for Over a Hundred Privileged Brands  
58. Chefs in Hangzhou, Suzhou and Shaoxing to Cook a “Mobile Feast”